September 25, 2007

Making a Difficult Decision

I had to make a very difficult decision recently, between two different choices. I could keep things the same, or take a risk and make a change. I won't go into details, because the nature of this decision involves things that shouldn't be said in public, and people impacted on both sides of the decision may read this. But I do want to capture my thoughts on the matter.

I like very much the way things are. Things are wonderful, and if anyone asks I tell them I'm happy and wouldn't change a thing. But recently, I guess I've been having some doubts as to whether or not it really matters if I'm still doing this. I wouldn't have thought it before, but when the opportunity to try something new came up, those doubts in the back of my head seem to have come rushing to the forefront.

This new choice would have been great in its own way, and I'd know for sure that what I'd be doing would matter. There's some excitement in trying something new, and this opportunity carried a little more risk in hope of a little more reward. Reward that I do believe to be there. I'd missed out on similar rewards in the past, for different reasons, and thought maybe it was time to take a risk. (I don't regret the decisions that made me miss out before.) At the same time, I wasn't entirely sure it was something I wanted to do, because it would mean abandoning what I was currently doing in favor of something that might not be as good, long-term.

Trying to decide between these two choices has left me feeling very thin, over these past few days. People on both sides have been trying to convince me to go one way or the other, and in the end it came down to two things.

I said above I wasn't really sure if it mattered that I continue doing what I was doing. But when the people involved learned I might be making a change, they really showed me just how much it means to them that I stay the course. I have some loyalty to these people, and their actions and words made it clear to me that I am providing real value to them. It's important to me that I stick by the people who have chosen to stick by me.

That, coupled with my strong desire to keep doing what I am doing, to see it through, and challenge myself by doing it, far outweighed any possible reward from choosing the other direction or trying something new. Once I'd come to this decision, a huge weight was lifted from me and I feel a lot better about things and just how wonderful it is to keep doing what I'm doing.

Posted by josuah at September 25, 2007 3:50 AM UTC+00:00